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On LSU’s first play from scrimmage, Charles Scott rushed for 8 yards up the middle of Auburn’s defense.  It was at this exact moment, you could sense that this was a different LSU team.  OK, Scott was unable to keep the running game going, but the offense came out attacking.  There was no confusion before each snap, the team simply lined up and executed. 

Jordan Jefferson, especially, looked terrific.  Forget about his numbers for a second (21-31, 242 yds, 2 TD, 0 INT), Jefferson looked comfortable in the pocket.  He didn’t take absurdly deep drops.  He stood in the pocket, stepped up, and threw the ball with authority.  He looked off the safety and even appeared to progress through his reads.  He didn’t just lock on one guy and force the ball in there.  Even when his receivers let him down with some drops, Jefferson never got flustered, he just kept doing good things and good things happened in turn.

Was it a perfect performance?  Of course not.  The running game disappeared.  Once again, the LSU offense decided to take an entire quarter off (this time, it was the second quarter instead of the third, just trying to keep us on our toes). 

The difference is that the mistakes didn’t result in Auburn points and LSU kept scoring.  Every team makes mistakes.  Anyone who says differently is lying to you.  There is no such thing as a perfect team.  You might as well root for a unicorn.  What makes a team good, or even great, is either minimizing mistakes or working through those mistakes. 

LSU’s offense may have looked ragged in the second quarter, but it did not matter.  Because the defense was downright awesome.  Before we get to how great the defense was, let’s also note that LSU second quarter still resulted in 3 points, and the team did move the ball effectively on two drives, the field goal drive as time expired and the first drive which resulted in a fumble at the goalline. 

The fact LSU had four drives in the second quarter is a testament to the defense.  Against Florida, LSU had two bad drives and the quarter was over because the defense could not get a stop.  Yes, Florida didn’t score, but they dominated possession and it made it impossible for the offense to work through its struggles.  Against Auburn, while the offense struggled, the defense dominated. 

Auburn did not have drive in the first half that lasted more than 6 plays.  In the second quarter, Auburn gained a mere 22 yards for 2 first downs.  Oh, and they turned the ball over twice (seriously, how amazing was Chris Hawkins’ interception?).  LSU may have been struggling, but Auburn was positively dormant.

LSU then started off the third quarter with the ball, drove down the field in four plays, and the game was essentially over right then and there.  You can pretty much throw out the entire second half from that point on, as the defense stopped attacking and went to more of a bend don’t break style.  They bent a little, but didn’t break until Auburn scored on the final play of the game.

This was a dominating win coming at the exact right time of the season.  I’d rather LSU be playing its best football in late October and November than in early October and September.  Alabama struggled mightily against Tennesee and looked vulnerable for the second straight week. 

We’ve been talking all season that LSU still controls their own destiny in the SEC, despite their struggles.  This was the first week where LSU looked ready to seize that destiny.  The team improved greatly, but it still needs to improve more.  this game was a phenomenal building block, but it was still a building block. 

In two weeks, LSU travels to Bama to essentially play for the SEC West title.  It couldn’t happen at a better time.  It’s graduation day.     

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Well, that was easy.  A 31-10 victory that probably wasn’t as close as the score would indicate.  Jordan Jefferson was the story of the night as he had a very positive game.  Here are my thoughts:

• What a night by the defense.  Just an absolutely dominating performance by a defensive unit that has carried this team so far this season.  They did it again, holding Auburn to 194 total yards, most of which came after the game was long decided.
• Not to repeat myself, but Jordan Jefferson had an excellent game.  His ATVSQBPI of 7.2 actually does not tell the story.  There were a couple drops in there, and his rushes hurt his average, but he had a great game and my confidence in him has grown.  We saw him run well.  He put touch on his passes.  He took 4 sacks, but I can’t really say they were his fault this time.  He got 236 yards passing with 2 touchdowns and 0 interceptions, along with positive rushing statistics, with a touchdown.
• Then again, we saw him fumble trying to get into the end zone because he was not protecting the ball.  He went into a funk after that and the rest of the 2nd quarter was a dud for him.
• But then he came out of it!  He struggled for a while, and then got over it.  That’s a big step for a quarterback.
• We finally saw Russell Shepard with an explosive play.  He had a tough night until he broke off a spectacular 70 yard touchdown run from the tailback position. 
• It was a good night for true freshmen all around.  Reuben Randle had a terrific catch for 31 yards.  Fullback Dominique Allen got his redshirt pulled and became our blocking back.  Morris Claiborne got into the game a lot in the second half.
• It seems like ages ago, but back when this game was still competitive, Chris Hawkins made a spectacular interception.  Then we hardly saw him again.  We saw 4 cornerbacks and 5 safeties in this game, and all of them played well.
• Redshirt freshman defensive end Chase Clement had the best looking kickoff return I’ve seen us get this year.
• Other than Chase Clement, the return game was ho-hum, but the punt/kick coverage was outstanding, even if you don’t consider the forced fumble and recovery.
• We mostly avoided bad penalties, accumulating only 48 yards against in penalties.  The penalties we got were sometimes intentional delay of game penalties.  We got one illegal substitution penalty, a couple encroachments, and one personal foul that was never identified on replay.  i can’t really complain about that too much.
• Danny McCray had a nice night, recovering two fumbles.
• It’s hard to complain at all about this game.  So let’s complain about it.  We still don’t have a power running game.  Charles Scott and Keiland Williams combined for 24 yards rushing on 11 carries.  1/3 of those yards came on the first play from scrimmage.
• But yeah, other than that, everything was great.

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You would be amazed at how difficult it is to find images of the burning building from the LSU/Auburn game of a few short years ago.  I had to settle for this little gem to mock the Auburn faithful.

Game time is 6:45ish.  Post your remembrances of Demetrius Byrd, burning buildings, onside kicks, interceptions, cigar chomping, chop blocking, and Jarrett Lee heroics right here.

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There is a nice slate of games on today, plus there’s Mississippi State vs. Florida.  I’m up way too early for this, but it will give us a chance to run some errands this morning before going to Story Time at Barnes & Noble.  Then it’s football, football, and more football until the late hours.

I’m looking forward to seeing Arkansas against Ole Miss.  That game will go a long way towards determining bowl positioning for most of the teams in the West.  Alabama vs. Tennessee could be an interesting game if Tennessee catches them on an off day.  Then there’s the headliner game of the day (for us).  LSU takes on Auburn in a game that never fails to be interesting.  Consider this your open thread for the early action.

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Over the last 15 years, Auburn-LSU has developed into one of the craziest, most competitive, and downright nasty rivalries in the country.  It doesn’t have the history of other series.  In fact, LSU and Auburn have only played 43 times, meaning that the schools only played each other 26 times before the SEC expansion.  From 1943-1968, the two Tigers met exactly zero times, despite playing in the same conference.  The rivalry doesn’t have mystique or mutual respect or a cool nickname.

I just plain friggin’ hate Auburn. 

I hate them completely, totally, and absolutely.  I hate them more than Ole Miss, more than Florida, more than Bama.  If Satan played for eternal possession of my soul against Auburn, I’d have to think about who to root for.  

This rivalry has grown organically and the way rivalries should grow.  Not by having the powers that be force the rivalry down our throats and invent some stupid trophy no one cares about (cough) (LSU-Arkansas) (cough).  This rivalry has grown by great games with some genuinely weird occurrences.  LSU’s record against Auburn over the last decade and a half?  8-7.  And outside of a brief stretch from 1999-2003, the games have been really close.  And the rivalry was kept alive by the Cigar Game and the 2001 game re-scheduled due to 9/11. 

The hatred has been kept alive not just by close and/or controversial games (I will admit the only game I truly feel like my team was robbed by the officials in any sport is the 2006 Auburn game, and the call in 2004 still sticks in my craw).  But it’s also been kept alive by meaningful games.  The winner normally had a shot at the SEC title and the loser was left playing for the Peach Bowl.  It was also kept alive by the fact Tommy Tuberville was a gigantic prick, who made hating Auburn so easy and so fun.

Which means this rivalry is at a bit of a crossroads.  It’s not exactly something passed from father to son.  My parents are wholly indifferent to Auburn.  My mom pathologically hates Tennessee because of the 1959 game, but I’m rather indifferent towards the Vols.  It’s just a generational thing.  I happened to be at LSU when they played a lot of tense games against Auburn and the hatred naturally developed.

But now Auburn’s head coach is Gene Chizik.  Now, I think he was a pretty horrible hire given his track record at Iowa St, but I don’t hate the guy.  I think Malzahn is one of the best offensive minds in the game, but I actually like him.  Which makes hating Auburn just a little bit harder. 

And now the Plainsmen War Eagle Tigers stumble into Baton Rouge, riding a two game losing streak after a hot start.  LSU hasn’t exactly set the world on fire with its play.  So it’s a big game for both teams, but I’m really having problems generating the unadulterated hate I can normally drum up for Auburn.  It’s a big game because of what it means in the context of the season, but not because it means beating Auburn.  If that makes any sense. 

Hopefully, we’ll have another close, hard-fought, screwy game that both sides can still complain about for years to come.  But if LSU wins, it will be their third straight win against Auburn, and the last time anyone won three straight years was back when Auburn did it in 1992-1994.  and that feels like an several epochs ago. 

Hell with it.  F$%@ Auburn.

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Jordan Jefferson is a guy I really wish would have had the opportunity to redshirt last year and be a backup QB this year, learning from the comfort and safety of the clip board.  He is still so very young and came to LSU as a relatively inexperienced project.  He had missed the bulk of his junior year of high school due to injury and had not been part of the standard full-time-quarterbacking-school carousel that quarterbacks like Mitch Mustain, Tim Tebow, Ryan Mallett and others have come from.  Unfortunately for us, circumstances dictated he had to play last year, and circumstances thrust him into the full time starting quarterback position this year, a job for which I hope we can all agree he has proven not to be quite ready yet.

But for better or worse he is our guy right now.  We can talk about Jarrett Lee getting another shot if Jefferson continues to struggle, but Les Miles’ public pronouncements have been to the effect that if Jefferson stays healthy he will keep the job.  We could have a good, healthy debate over whether that is a good policy.  Some of us would come down on the side of sticking with one guy to avoid the sort of musical quarterback situation that can wreck a season.  I tend to follow my mantra of pragmatism:  “If things are working, try something.  If that doesn’t work, try something else.”

Anyway, before the season, LSU fans and outside observers were hopeful that Jordan Jefferson would emerge as one of the better quarterbacks in the conference.  That has not happened at this point, though I suppose it still could.  Currently though, his ATVSQBPI of 5.7 puts him 9th in the league, and firmly in the category of “not really helping his team”. 

(Incidentally, defenses are taking over again, and quarterback numbers are coming down.  Ryan Mallett leads the conference with an ATVSQBPI of 8.7, and the median is about 6.2.  If Jefferson improves his numbers just a little, he could easily reach “average” and turn things around for himself.)

One of the problems we are seeing is that Jefferson is completing a very high percentage of his passes.  “What?” you ask?  How is it a problem that he is completing so many passes?  Well, he is completing passes, but not getting yards.  When you’re completing 63% of your passes, but only averaging 7.0 yards per attempt, either you are having a lot of plays designed to get yards-after-catch and you’re not getting them, or you’re taking too many safe throws that aren’t getting yards. 

In Jefferson’s case I think it’s a combination of the two. Earlier in the season, I was constantly amazed at how many completed passes ended up going for zero yards or even negative yardage.  Part of the problem was that he sometimes gave receivers the ball in positions where they could not effectively run with it.  Another part of the problem was that these sorts of plays were called too frequently when defenses were looking for them.  He also has an artificially inflated completion percentage because he does not throw the ball away to avoid sacks enough.  It shows in his rushing statistics, where he has the 3rd highest number of rushes in the conference, but is averaging less than 2 yards per rush, despite being a “mobile quarterback”. He has taken 18 sacks already this season, which is only partially the fault of the offensive line.

People point to his game against Georgia Tech last year and wonder, “Why isn’t Jefferson playing like that now?”  Here’s a surprising thing though.  His ATVSQBPI that day was 5.3.  What’s that?  Well, it was a tale of 2 halfs for Jefferson.  He was outstanding in the first half, then tapered off in the second, a trend that has continued this year.  He also completed a high percentage of passes, over 60%, with a low yards per attempt.  He took 2 sacks, and rushed 8 other times, averaging 2.5 yards per rush.

In other words, Jefferson is playing pretty much exactly like he played against Georgia Tech.  People just tend to forget the flaws he showed against Georgia Tech because no one remembers the second half of that game.  He’s still showing them, and perhaps we were not being realistic as fans to expect otherwise.  After all, Jordan Jefferson entered this season with 2 starts to his credit, only 73 pass attempts, and one Sprint Practice.  He’s certainly not a finished product yet.  He will be a better quarterback in year than he is now.  I just hope he starts making that big leap in development starting this week.

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The ATVS family celebrated the open week by going to the Birmingham Zoo this morning.  It was cold and windy, but we had a good time.  Because of the cold, hardly anyone was there.  Little Miss ATVS got to ride the zoo train and a carousel.  I touched a goat.  Lots of monkeys were on display. 

This, I suppose, can be an open thread for the action of today.

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It’s Amazing the Cheap Ploys That Work

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OK, first off, I am terribly sorry.  This has been a bad week for blogging, as I have been working longer hours than I like working, and I have had some family obligations after work.  As a result, my blogging has been severely curtailed this week.  I have not even gotten an ATVSSECOSPPOW out for this week.  I apologize to you, the reader, for my lack of getting this thing done.  That starts correcting now.

This is really a fantastic week for the And The Valley Shook SEC Offensive Speed Position Player of the Week contest.  There were good performances in several games, and multiple players would have been worthy winners.  We could have gone with Mark Ingram, who had 186 yards of total offense, mostly on the ground.  We could have gone with Tim Tebow, who returned from a serious injury to lead his team to victory, though he did not accumulate especially eye-popping statistics.  We could have gone with either Stephen Garcia or Alshon Jeffery of South Carolina.  Garcia threw for a 10.1 yard average with 3 touchdowns and 1 interception, while Jeffery caught 7 passes for 138 yards and 3 touchdowns. We could have chosen Ryan Mallett, whose Arkansas team scored a big win, and who accumulated close to 300 yards of passing offense.

We did not go with any of those individuals.   Instead, we’re going with someone I never would have thought would be mentioned in the same breath as the ATVSSECOSPPOW (never mind that ATVSSECOSPPOW is more than one breath itself). 

That’s right.  It’s Jonathan Crompton, he of the often mocked lack of productivity.  Well, he has really had a fantastic 6 quarters of football lately.  In Tennessee’s big upset of Georgia, Crompton was 20 of 27 for 310 yards, 4 touchdowns, 1 interception, and he was not sacked.  That’s a great day for a quarterback.  That’s an ATVSQBPI of 13.3 yards per touch.  

Yes, there’s a certain novelty in picking a guy like Crompton, who has genuinely had terrible production for a season and a half.  He earned it though.  He had a genuinely great game, with the highest yards per attempt in the conference and 4:1 TD:Int ratio.  He was a cut above the other winning quarterbacks, and while both Ingram and Jeffery would have made fine winners, we had to go with Crompton here. 

Even if he tanks the rest of the season, you can’t take this past week away from him.

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BlogPoll Roundtable time.

1. Mack Brown has won three out of the last four games in Dallas against OU. Meanwhile, Bob Stoops continues to pile up Big 12 trophies like NCAA inquiries. With the presumption that Mack will hang up his concho belt in the next two years in deference to the undeniable coaching force that is Will Muschamp, how does this year’s Texas/OU game define Mack Brown’s legacy? Texas wins and it’s likely Pasadena bound. A loss would likely cement this depressing statistic: a 7th conference championships for OU vs one in 12 years under Mack Brown, which was delivered by some guy named Vince Young.

Short answer: It doesn’t. 

Longer answer: Mack Brown’s legacy is pretty secure.  He won a national title on the back of one of the greatest college football players ever.  He has guided Texas to soon-to-be nine straight 10 win seasons (Royal, by the way, only had 7 in his career at Texas).  He has rebuilt Texas into a national power, as I believe people have forgotten how much the Horns had slipped in the post-Royal years.  Yes, he’s only won one conference title in his entire career, but if you can’t appreciate what Mack Brown has done over his entire career, then that’s your problem and not Mack’s.  If you think Mack’s legacy is on shaky ground, beating OU this week certainly won’t change your mind.   

2. Flipping the lens, does another OU loss – 4/5 to Texas, 0/5 in the last five BCS bowls – permanently establish Big Game Bob as an overrated, overpaid coach disguised as an asshole? At least sweater vest is an all around nice guy. I just feel sorry for Tressel when he comes up short in big games. When Stoops does it I cackle in a spasmatic fit of primeval laughter. So the natives are getting restless in Norman, and by natives I mean the people that stole the land from the natives that actually lived there. Who needs to win a big game more: Bob Stoops, Jim Tressel, or Mark Richt?

Well, if we want to get technical, we all stole the land from the natives, so let’s get off that high horse.  Texas has a pretty dirty past as well.  I know you’re obligated to rip on the Sooners, but come on. 

The obvious answer is Richt.  Stoops and Tressel’s problem is that they win their conference and then lose in a BCS Bowl.  As far as problems go, that’s a good one to have.  Richt’s problem is that his team lost by about a million points to Tennessee.  He also doesn’t win as many conference titles as the other two, which speaks highly of his conference (SEC! SEC! SEC!).  If Tressel and Stoops don’t win a big game, their fans will continue to murmur and count the conference titles.  If Richt doesn’t win one, he’ll be out of a job. 

3. Pick the game that glistens like no other on your remaining schedule. Why does it shine for thee? What portent does it hold at the seat of your BCS or Brut Sun Bowl altar?

Bama.  Bama.  Bama.

The natives are restless, but if LSU beats Bama, all is forgotten.  LSU (provided it beats Auburn beforehand, no gimme), if it beats Bama, will control its own destiny in the SEC race.  Beating Bama is the difference between thinking about the BCS and thinking about going to the Cotton Bowl (hey, I live in Dallas, I wouldn’t mind that).  LSU fans now demand titles and you cannot win it without beating the Tide.

There’s also some coach over there that some of our fans don’t like very much.  I should look into that. Miles is unfortunate in that he will always be compared not to Nick Saban the Coach, but Nick Saban the Legend.  He’s being compared to a mythic figure who never lost a game and who sent every player to the NFL.  Miles absolutely needs to shut these people up.  Also, the loss to Bama last year started an ugly tailspin to the season, something this program cannot afford for two straight seasons. 

4. NC State lost to Duke. Okie State lost to Houston who lost to UTEP who scored more points against the Cougars (55) than it gained in yards against Texas (51). Virginia lost to William & Mary. Not the school but to two motivated kids named William and Mary. USC lost to Washington. I only bring this up as a reminder because USC losses tend to fade from the voting conscious faster than a fresh set of downs for an LSU quarterback. (Which leads to another riddle: Does one become concussed in the mere presence of Tebow?) Vandy just lost to Army. The point is: Big upsets are hard to predict. Riddle us yours for the month of October.

One for each weekend, all picks correct or your money back!

Oct 17: Kansas at Colorado.  Kansas has been really unimpressive in building an undefeated record.  Colorado has looked even less impressive.  In fact, the Buffs have looked downright terrible, even getting blown out by Toledo.  Kansas can’t afford to overlook anyone, but they are likely overlooking Colorado.

Oct 24: Oregon at Washington.  One week before the USC game?  It screams “trap game”.

Oct 31: Georgia Tech at Vanderbilt.  Why not? 

5. In a top-heavy year where many of the favorites immolated themselves from national title contention early on, two teams now loom larger than the rest: Florida and Alabama. Assuming they face off in the SEC Championship game and the supremacy of their defenses continues to shroud their offenses in a cloak of 13-10 wizardry, and no other team seems quite as worthy by comparison (this is the SEC after all), should they get a chance to play again in January for a national championship? If not, what undefeated or 1-loss team would have the best positioning?

Absolutely not.  The idea of a rematch right after the SEC title game just seems absurd.  It’s one of those things that could actually bring down the BCS.  So let’s cheer for it. 

VT would be my answer, but their loss to Bama complicates things.  I doubt the pollsters would place VT ahead of Bama, meaning they are blocked from a VT-Florida title game.  On the other hand, the pollsters will likely vote to prevent a VT-Bama rematch.  It’s a difficult position to be in.

How about this for a fun scenario?  LSU beats Bama and then loses to Florida again in Atlanta.  Then we get the Bama-Florida tilt in the national title game instead of the SEC title game.  Just throwing it out there. 

However, the best positioned team is USC.  The Pac-10 has had a solid season, unlike the Big 12, so a one loss champ from the west coast would probably fare the best in the polls and the computers.  Oregon’s one loss is better, but USC will have the Ohio St win to hang their hat on.  But a one loss Oregon team certainly opens up the Boise Question, which may prevent their title chance. 

Or Texas can just win out and save us all the trouble. 

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Tiger Bait: 24 Hours at Florida-LSU

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Let’s not mince words: the offense sucks.  The offense sucked on the west coast, it has sucked in the rain, it has sucked when we’re the host, and it has sucked on a train.  I do not like it, Poseur senses.  I do not like our terrible offense.*

* Deepest apologies to Dr. Seuss. I mean, deep, deep apologies.     

We won’t even cherry pick stats, choose your preferred measurement.  Here are LSU’s national ranks in each category (out of 120 teams):

Total Offense: 109
Scoring Offense: 89
Rushing Offense: 88
Passing Offense: 103
Passing Efficiency: 46

Hey, at least the offense passes the ball efficiently.  There are almost no positives out of those stats.  LSU only has one player who ranks in the top 100 of yardage leaders at his position (Terrance Toliver – 86^th).  And this isn’t an instance of the numbers lying to us, the offense even looks bad.  Billy insists this offense lacks an identity.  He is wrong.  This offense has an identity: one of ineptitude and timidity.  This offense is a total and complete disaster. 

So, what to do?  Can this be fixed?

The message boards are demanding for Gary Crowton’s head on a platter.  I hate to call for a guy to be fired since these are real people with families and all that, but college co-ordinators are hired to be fired.  It’s a brutal and often unfair profession, but it is the profession Crowton chose for himself.  You cannot helm an offense with as many highly rated recruits as LSU, turn out a product this bad, and expect to keep your job.  Crowton’s on borrowed time.  I’m working off the assumption he is getting canned in the offseason, which still leaves the question: what can be done this year?

Let’s take each issue one at a time:

PLAY CALLING

Let’s admit that Jordan Jefferson cannot run the option.  Please, scrap this from the playbook except when Russell Shepard comes in the game.  

However, that’s not the real issue.  The real issue is that Crowton and Miles are still calling the game as if they are shell shocked from last season.  They have done everything in their power to avoid interceptions, which has resulted, predictably, in lots of sacks and an offense that can’t move the ball down the field.  The LSU offense has completely abandoned the middle of the field, and teams are packing the box daring LSU to throw.  

Yes, the offensive line has been bad, but it’s even harder to run the ball when you only run in obvious run formations on obvious run downs.  Has Crowton even heard of the play action?  LSU has about 5000 formations and only 10 plays.  There is all of this complexity, but ultimately, it is a painfully predictable offense.  

One last note on play calling to every person who speculates over whether Miles is “interfering” with the offense: shut up.  OF COURSE Miles is involved in play calling.   He’s the head coach.  That’s not interfering, that’s doing his job.  The head coach doesn’t make every play call, but to pretend that our head coach should be off getting an orange slushee when the offense is on the field is just stupid. The head coach is not, nor should he be, an innocent bystander. 

THE QUARTERBACK

Jefferson has not played terribly.  He hasn’t played great, but he also has not been bad.  Most of his problems are also correctable: he doesn’t make his man commit on the option, he has no sense of the pocket, he locks on to his primary receiver, and he does not progress through his reads.  These are things which can be fixed, but here’s the rub: Jefferson has made no progress in any of these areas.  It’s also a lot easier to fix one problem, Jefferson has to improve several.  He needs lots of instruction and improvement. 

Which begs the question, what is Jefferson’s ceiling?  He doesn’t have a great arm and he will never be a classic drop back passer.  However, his inability to run the option holds him back as a running quarterback.  Honestly, his ceiling might be Herb Tyler.  I loved Herb Tyler, but that’s not a title level quarterback.  Even Matt Mauck had some touch, and he was a more explosive runner.  I think Mauck’s production might be beyond Jefferson’s ability.

I dismissed out of hand in the comments the idea of playing Jarrett Lee, but the more I think about it, the more I think Lee needs to get some snaps.  That will mean a crowded backfield as that is advocating a three-QB system, which might be a first in modern football.  Simply put, Lee has more upside than Jefferson.  Jefferson is a solid backup and a guy who will not hurt you when you need him to play, but he is not a guy who can carry the offense.  Yes, he’s only 19, but what signs has he given us that he will improve.  What are his raw tools that make you believe he will become Mauck or Flynn, two title winning QB’s who started as little more than a running option?

Lee completely imploded last year.  By the end of the season, he was a beaten man, and it seemed he just needed a hug.  He expected bad things to happen, and more often than not, they did.  Lee, however, still possesses the raw tools to be a good quarterback.  It’s up to the coaches to harness those tools and turn them into skills.  Lee has the higher upside of the two quarterbacks, and it makes sense to play him.

THE FRESHMEN

Everyone loves the freshmen because all they have are recruiting videos and the burden of expectations.  Shepard is an exciting player, but he is not a panacea to cure all ills.  Shepard has demonstrated no ability to throw the ball and the offense is way too predictable with him under center.  Shepard also looks like he weighs about 50 pounds soaking wet.  I’m not convinced he can take the pounding of too many snaps. 

Randle’s also going to be a great player, but he is on the field, people.  Stop asking for him to play.  He just hasn’t been Jerry Rice immediately.  And for the love of God, stop with the “Les Miles doesn’t play freshmen” thing.  Miles is playing just about the same number of freshmen as any coach of a major program. 

THE OFFENSIVE LINE

Well, it’s been bad, but the unit it improving.  A lot of the problems right now stem from the coaches telegraphing the play-call and Jefferson’s ridiculous 10 step drops.  A lot of those sacks were coverage sacks caused by Jefferson have little concept of how to step up in the pocket. 

They have been a favorite whipping boy, but we have been breaking in three new starters and almost all of the backups are underclassmen.  The only thing that is going to help this unit is time.  We can’t expect dramatic improvement, just incremental improvement.  They are doing that. 

LAST THOUGHTS

There is talent everywhere, especially at wide receiver.  The coaching staff needs to do a better job of utilizing their assets.  Instead of coming to the line and reacting to the defense, the offense needs to try and dictate the game and make defenses react to it.  A little misidirection wouldn’t hurt.

But this offense is like a fool in the shower, grossly overreacting to every problem.  Jefferson takes too many open field hits?  Great, now he won’t take the hit on the option.  Threw too many interceptions?  Great, now we have an offense that won’t throw over the middle of the field.  Want to run the fashionable spread but have a power running back?  Fine, let’s do both and therefore do neither. 

Take some risks.  Yes, bad things will happen, but so will good things.  Also, accentuate what we do well.  Jefferson is bad in the pocket?  Help him out and run some designed rollouts.  He’s good on the run.  Run some play action to help out the running game.  When you run those deep routes, perhaps it would be a good idea to have some underneath routes. 

I hate to break this to you, Gary, but you should probably already be updating the resume.  Might as well take some risks.  What do you have to lose?        

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Work has kept me from re-watching the game, so my comments are going to be more uninformed than they usually are.  It took me a long time to figure out what bothered me so much about the Florida game, but I finally was able to put my finger on it.  Read this from last week.

I’m going to just come out and say it.  We don’t need to win this game.  A win would be a big boon to the team’s psyche.  It would put us firmly in the media spotlight and make people talk about us as a true national championship contender, but we in no way, shape, or form need to win this game.  Win or lose, we control our destiny in the SEC West race.  We will win the West if we win out after Florida, and we probably need to win out regardless of what happens this week.  We are generally expected to lose, and our press reports suck out loud already, so unless we get blown out we aren’t going to suffer in the media.  All that combines to tell me that this is probably the least important game on our schedule.

On the other hand, a win sure would be great.  A loss represents only a lost opportunity for a win, rather than a genuinely damaging result for the team.  It’s rare you can say that about a game, but this is one of those.  We can come out and play a game against a good opponent with really no pressure on us to actually win.  That’s what the win against Georgia did for us.  It gave us license to go into the Florida game loose, playing like a team with nothing to lose and everything to gain, because this time it is true.

And therein lies the problem.  The team did not play loose.  It did not play like a team with nothing to lose.  It was, in fight, the tightest I’ve ever seen our offense play in memory.  It was, in fact, a lost opportunity to develop team character, to be a fun and inspiring team to watch.  

A team with nothing to lose doesn’t leave Russell Shepard on the bench all game.  A team with nothing to lose does not abandon the downfield passing game.  A team with nothing to lose does not kick a field goal from inside the 1 yard line.  A team with nothing to lose puts on a show, and if it must take the loss it does so with style and gusto.

The coaching staff appeared to be playing not to get blown out.  It tried nothing innovative.  It tried nothing to try to put the Florida defense off-balance, I suppose out of fear of making a big mistake.  With Florida being bound and determined to play the game just as conservatively as they could, we had an opportunity to take advantage of their play by trying to pile up points quickly.  Sure, it could have backfired and put us out of the game early, but so what?    The game did not really matter.

Florida deserves credit for stopping our offense so thoroughly in the second half.  It’s not like they were passive actors in the game, but in a game where we were (let’s face it) starting the race a couple steps behind our opponent, we took a tortoise approach when we should have been the hare.  I am fairly disgusted with how that game played out, and it’s mostly with the offensive game plan.  Individual players did not help matters, but the game plan kept us in handcuffs all night.

We get a bye week now, and then a suspect Auburn team.  I want to see this offense take on some life in that Auburn game.  It’s time it developed a personality, more than anything.

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Hey, I’ve been submitting these things incognito, let’s get your input on it this week:

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama
2	Florida
3	Virginia Tech	1
4	Cincinnati	1
5	Iowa	4
6	Texas	3
7	Miami (Florida)	10
8	Boise State
9	Oregon	2
10	Southern Cal	3
11	LSU	5
12	Ohio State	2
13	TCU
14	Nebraska	5
15	Georgia Tech
16	Kansas	2
17	South Carolina	1
18	Wisconsin	2
19	South Florida	6
20	Notre Dame
21	Stanford
22	Auburn	10
23	Missouri	8
24	Penn State
25	Houston
Last week’s ballot

Taking it by groups of five again:

1 Bama
2 UF
3 VT
4 Cincy
5 Iowa

Bama’s convincing win keeps them at #1, but Florida is knocking on the door again.  If you’ll notice, I’ve dropped Texas from the top five because they are still yet to beat a decent team.  It’s October.  This is ridiculous.  People are propping up OU right now, which I don’t see at all, but at least it’s a credible team.  Texas can reclaim it’s #3 rank, but for the love of Pete, play someone.  And has anyone noticed the way VT is killing teams all of a sudden? 

6 Texas
7 Miami
8 Boise
9 Oregon
10 USC

A little bit of re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic here.  I couldn’t bring myself to drop UT any further than #6, though I seriously considered it.  Miami gets delayed gratification for playing that brutal four game stretch to start the season.  Oregon keeps building the resume and there will come a point I will have to rank them ahead of a team they lost to, Boise, but not quite yet.  USC is still lurking in the background.  Yes, I know they lost to Washington, a team LSU beat, but USC has a better win and ultimately, that’s more important.  We focus too much on “Who Did You Lose To?” at the expense of “What Have You Accomplished?”

11 LSU
12 Ohio St
13 TCU
14 Nebraska
15 Georgia Tech

TCU looks shakier and shakier each week, but they keep winning.  LSU and OSU have pretty good resumes and really good losses, so they are still in the hunt right now.  Nebraska and GT actually look pretty similar to LSU and OSU. 

16 Kansas
17 S Carolina
18 Wisconsin
19 USF
20 Notre Dame

The two most unimpressive undefeateds, Kansas and USF, find themselves here.  South Carolina is quietly putting together a nice year and, man, ranking Notre Dame causes me to break out into hives.  But they have earned it.

21 Stanford
22 Auburn
23 Mizzou
24 Penn St
25 Houston

I know, I’m the only person who does not believe in Penn State.  They probably deserve a bump now that I’m ranking Iowa so highly.  Screw it.  this is what you get for playing nobody.  Beat a team and then we’ll talk.  Auburn and Houston both have bad losses for different reasons (Auburn for getting killed, Houston for losing to UTEP), but I’m feeling forgiving.  I don’t really believe in Mizzou, but they lost in a monsoon to Nebraska.  they get the benefit of the doubt for one more week, and I don’t feel I’m keeping out a “must rank” kind of team.  That means you, Oklahoma. 

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Yes, I had juvenile tastes in television when I was younger.  Heck, I’d watch B&B today if it came on and my wife would let me.

Yesterday, I read one “fan” comment that, “Jordan Jefferson looks like a worse Marcus Randell [sic].  I hear Chris Garrett is the next Matt Flynn.  Let’s give him a shot.”  Another comment was that Jordan Jefferson looks like a special education student.  

I don’t think I need to say just how appalling those statements are.  The first one, you almost have to wonder if the person is even aware of what that sounds like.  (For the record, I think Chris Garrett could be better than Matt Flynn, but Flynn also did not really get his chance until his 5th year, while Garrett is a true freshman).  The second one is simply overwhelming in its brazen lowness.

This has long been one of the difficulties in covering LSU athletics.  It seems like every time something goes wrong, the LSU equivalent of a few thousand Trogdor the Burninators come out from under  and rampage through the countryside.  I always wonder if other schools have these types of fans too.  

And it’s not a new thing.  It’s not a product of being spoiled as a fan base.  The exact same sorts of things would happen 15 years ago during the Hallman era.  As I am not a fan of other schools, I can’t really say if this is an LSU thing or a college athletics thing.  I suspect it’s a college athletics thing, but I do not know for sure.

Yes, it was a poorly played game for our offense.  No, Jordan Jefferson did not play particularly well.  And it is correct that it is difficult to mark any improvement in his play from the beginning of the season to now.  Do I think another QB should be given a chance?  I’m not sure on that yet, but I am definitely thinking about it.  Jefferson’s play wasn’t all bad.  He had a good completion percentage, which would have been reduced if he’d thrown the ball away when he needed to.  He had some nice runs.  Except for that miserable 3rd quarter, his play could be considered unspectacular but competent.  The third quarter, not so much on that second adjective. (Grammar is for snobs).

My point is, fans should keep criticisms of players constructive.  It’s a little different when talking about coaches, who are grown men making tons of money to do what they do.  Players are working hard, putting their bodies and their health on the line for comparatively little.  Keep your comments above-board when talking about a player.  When talking about a coach, just remember that they have families and loved-ones too, but I am also mindful that coaches know exactly what they’re getting into when they sign on for the coaching life.  It’s hard to say the same of an 18-year-old kid who signs scholarship papers.

One of the things I like about the little website we’ve built up here is that our readers are above that sort of thing.  Even CFB, whose relentless pessimism drives some people a little crazy in the game threads, at least keeps his comments on a plain significantly higher than what I see elsewhere, and isn’t making his points through personal insults.  While I don’t advocate relentless pessimism as a way of life, if you’re going to do it, you should at least do it right, which CFB does.  

That’s just to cite one example.

So yes, let’s discuss the issue of Gary Crowton’s job security.  It’s hard to say last year was a success for his offensive system, and this year the offense has looked downright pitiful at times.  All the while, we are wondering why a dynamic player like Russell Shepard is getting so little playing time.  On the other hand, he is just 2 years removed from a national championship season in which the offense was outstanding.

The difference, as far as I can tell, is that when Gary Crowton got here he had an experienced quarterback with NFL potential.  The last two years he has had inexperienced quarterback with potential that is yet to be determined.  I think in both 2008 and so far in 2009 he has been unable to effectively compensate for having inexperienced quarterbacks.  Last year, he asked Jarrett Lee to do way too much and it got him into trouble.  This year, for whatever reason, the offense has been unable to accentuate Jordan Jefferson’s strengths, which are his athleticism and his arm strength.

I am open to the idea of making a change at the end of the year, but I am undecided on the matter.  Except for the wide receivers, it is hard to point to any unit of the offense that hasn’t struggled to maintain a high level of play so far this season.  Then again, this is a team that is 5-1 and the only loss was a reasonably close loss to one of the 5 best teams in the country.  The second half of the year could go either way at this point.  We have winnable/losable games all through the back half of the schedule.  If the offense improves, the sky is still the limit for this team.  If it doesn’t, this team could be looking to the Independence Bowl.  Or anything in between.

We just don’t know at this point.

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For the second straight week, the third quarter was a wasteland for the LSU offense.  I don’t know why this team comes out after the half and promptly lays an egg, but it is a huge concern.  Sure, the offense was a little rough in the first half, but it wasn’t awful either.  LSU had two drives which stalled around midfield, then had the drive to the 1 yard line resulting in a field goal, and then a chuck-it-downfield drive with 30 seconds left in the half resulting in a pick.  Sure, it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t awful.

Then came the third quarter.  LSU had seven offensive snaps in the third quarter, and one of those was a punt.  Let’s just breakdown how horrific it was:

– Charles Scott had four rushes for 2, 8, 3, and 5 yards.  No problem with Chuck the Truck except that his 2 yard rush came on 2nd and 18.  Hell, he even rushed for a first down.

– Jordan Jefferson dropped back to pass twice.  He was sacked both times for an 8 and then 6 yard loss.

– The period closed with consecutive false starts.

Hey, but at least we bounced back to start the 4th quarter by Jefferson getting sacked again.  LSU completed the drive by completing a screen pass to Scott on 3rd and 22 for 5 yards.  Almost, guys.  Almost.

Jefferson was sacked on three consecutive pass plays.  Scott was at least decent in the third quarter, even gaining a first down.  If you’re scoring at home (and we sincerely hope you are), LSU ran 6 plays for a net of 2 yards in the third quarter.  After the first two plays of the fourth quarter, LSU had 8 plays for 0 net yards. 

And two false start penalties. 

I can’t even begin to explain it, but one things is clear: you cannot hope to win games in which you essentially give away an entire quarter.  The third quarter was an abomination.  And it’s the top reason Florida walked out with a win.

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Well, with Tim Tebow playing, a loss was, while not exactly predictable, not really a big surprise either.  Exactly how it happened is open to much discussion.  Here are my Snap Judgments.

• Jordan Jefferson played a poor game, and once again went into the tank in the 3rd quarter.  He started holding the ball forever and inviting sacks, getting 3 of them in the 3rd quarter alone, a quarter in which we ran 8 plays.  He’ll finish 11 for 17 on the night, but very few of his passes went down the field, and he took sacks.
• Never has LSU gotten more infuriating penalties.  We were called for a neutral zone infraction 5 times.  We had, I think, 3 false starts, including two on consecutive play attempts.  We had a personal foul facemask call on a play where we would have gotten off the field if not for the call (and the call was somewhat questionable as to whether it should have been a personal foul or one of the old-fashioned incidental facemasks that are now supposed to be waived off).
• The defense is going to get a lot of credit for holding Florida to a small number of points, but they also gave up yardage every time Florida touched the ball.  We relied on a missed field goal and a failed 4th down try to keep the score as low as it was.
• I do not understand why Russell Shepard got not playing time in this game.  I know they’ll say, “We were having a hard time getting into a rhythm and we didn’t want to bring in a new guy,” but the fact is that the offense was stagnating, and we needed to do something to shake things up. 
• On our 2nd to last possession, which we all thought was likely our last gasp, we saw another example of poor game management by our coaching staff, which was also on display at the end of the 1st half last week.  This time, facing 3rd and 2, we went to Charles Scott who came up short.  The ensuing events made it clear that our coaches had NO PLAN for what to do if we were faced with a 4th down.  It took forever to get a play into the game and when Jefferson dropped back to pass, it appeared the receivers were run-blocking.  The critical 4th down play was dead virtually before the snap.
• I still think that the game was not of any special importance, as our goals are still in reach, and we needed to win out from here even if we had won.
• Florida’s defense is really good, but our offense lacked all dynamism tonight.  How many times did we even attempt to throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field?
• Special teams had a quiet game.  Except for one poor punt, Derek Helton had a good night.  I don’t think we had any opportunity to return a punt, and our kickoff returns were nothing special but also not awful.
• I thought the offensive line didn’t do a bad job tonight.  We had a little running room and Jefferson usually had time to do something with the ball.  He just did not often use that time wisely.
• That’s all for now.  Due to work obligations, i doubt I will get to do a second viewing of the game, and frankly it was boring anyway.

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This is quickly becoming the season of rain.  It seems like every one of our games has been affected by wet conditions, and today is supposed to be no different.  If you happened to be present at Noah’s Flood, please give us your remembrances, and be sure to let us know how the koalas got back to Australia.

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It’s #1 vs. #4, and the latest rumors, as collected by Team Speed kills, is that Tim Tebow is IN.  We’ll have to see.  The rumors are that he’s still affected by loud noise, and I’ll refrain from making comments about the noise level in Tiger Stadium, but if he’s still affected by loud noise then he is most certainly not “asymptomatic.”  But I’m just a lawyer in Alabama.  What do I know?

We’ve also got the ESPN GameDay crew on hand, all for what is in many ways a glorified exhibition game that is not particularly important for either team’s long term goals on the 2009 season.  It is a rivalry game, however, and bragging rights are important.

GameDay is an insufferable entity.  Their stories are formulaic pablum, a mix of soft-focus human interest stories and fawning pieces on successful coaches and players.  It spends much its time with a handful of teams, some of whom like Notre Dame are not even particulary successful.  It is good publicity for LSU, though, and ESPN is stil pretty much the 500 pound gorilla of college football.  I’ll probably be off doing something else between 9:00am and 11:00am today.

Meh.  Game Thread at 5:00pm.

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Remember earlier this week when I said I was finding it hard to get pumped for this game?  Well, less than 36 hours from kickoff and I am no longer finding that be a problem.  From an academic/intellectual standpoint, this game is probably only the fourth most important game on the schedule, behind Bama, Auburn, and Ole Miss.  

But football ain’t about academics.

Florida is the #1 team in the country.  They are the biggest, baddest team on the block and last year, they didn’t just beat us, they humiliated us.  Florida ran up the score and generally enjoyed kicking LSU while it was down.  And that’s fine, I don’t ever like complaining about a team running up the score as unsporting or whatever.  You don’t want them to score, stop them from scoring.  We didn’t do that.  That said, I do believe in payback.  

My mantra this season has been “I don’t believe in moral victories, so I do not care about the moral losses.”  While a good portion of the LSU fanbase and many talking heads have gone crazy over these moral losses, we’ve been pretty level headed at ATVS.  Survive and advance.  There’s no separate column for “unimpressive win”.

Well, Saturday is the flip side of being all level headed and not caring that LSU isn’t winning by enough or doesn’t look flashy or whatever such nonsense is getting spewed.  Beat Florida.  Don’t hold it close.  Don’t do a good job.  Win.  This team gut punched us in the face last year, and then delivered several kicks to the rib for good measure.  

There are no moral victories for this program anymore.  Only real victories.  Your mission is simple, Les – beat Florida, the #1 college football team in the nation.  No excuses, guys.  Your time is now.  Seize greatness.      

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Who doesn’t love a good apocalypse?

Rivers and seas boiling, the dead rising from the grave, solar eclipses, cannibalism, dogs and cats living together, what have you.

And that may just describe the tailgating on Saturday.

The game itself is officially CBS’s featured telecast for the year, which is appropriate, since it should be a whole lot less predictable then the average CBS drama (Will CSI be able to discover the clues? Like they do every week? Find out!).

What You Should Expect to See on Saturday:

Made for TV
There may be no device more often used in the TV world then “Will they or won’t they?” Whether we’re talking about Sam and Diane, Ross and Rachel, Greg and Marsha (what? Oh…right…”brother and sister”) or Buffy and Angel, it’s the ultimate suspense builder. And the sports media is plowing it in nice and hard this week about whether or not Tim Tebow will play.

Well, here’s a spoiler:

That’s right – it doesn’t matter.

Is John Brantley Tebow? Of course not. But Florida’s offense is still Florida’s offense. Even if Brantley is more of a passer then runner as speculated, it’s not like the Gators are going to turn into a June Jones run-and-shoot attack. They may throw the ball a little more, but it will still be the same routes LSU has prepared for on film and in practice. They may not run a quarterback smash play on third and one, but they’ll still run the option. And the principles to and assignments for defending the option don’t change because the personnel running it does. Now, from an execution standpoint, you may assign different defenders to match the different personnel, but those essential principles remain the same.

Will Brantley be running the ball 10 times in the fourth quarter to try and salt away a close game? Probably not – but Florida will still not be hurting for a running game. They may even try some wildcat-ish packages to make up the difference.

As for the “should he play” argument, I’m not about to get drawn into that. I’m not a neurosurgeon (blah blah played one on TV), and I’m definitely not one of Tebow’s doctors – and thus I have no idea what is right for him. If he’s cleared, he’ll play, and I assume he’ll be 100-percent. Regardless of what you may think of Urban Meyer (and I think he’d sell one of his children’s kidneys to win a football game), it’s a pretty big leap from “ruthless bastard” to putting a player’s life in jeopardy. And with brain injuries, that’s exactly what the stakes are. Maybe it’s the last little bit of naiveté I have in me for the college game, but I like to think that no college coach (or the administration behind him) would do that to one of their players.

What is for sure is that we will not know up until the Gators come out on the field. I do, at the very least expect Tebow to be there to cheer his teammates on. He may even come out for a Willis Reed moment of some kind.

On the Line
Speed is the word everybody throws around when they talk about LSU and Florida. But make no mistake; this game will be won between the tackles.

You can learn more about it here, but the blueprint for slowing down Florida’s offense has always been to play it from the inside, out. The Gators have become more run-oriented than ever this season, with running backs Jeff Demps, Chris Rainey and Brandon James the focal point of the attack (aside from Tebow of course), followed by tight end Aaron Hernandez and then the outside receivers.

 The point of Urban Meyer’s scheme (or any spread/zone running attack) is to force the defense to defend the width of the field, and attack any gaps that form. Where defenses fall into the trap is over-focusing on the speed to the outside with players like Demps, Rainey or James (or Percy Harvin in the past) that they often forget to play the first part of the typical triple option play: the dive. Think about it in the simplest of terms – the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. If you give Florida’s running backs inside lanes, they will take them happily. It’s going to be crucial for Al Woods, Charles Alexander and Drake Nevis to be stout and hold their gaps in the middle – not to mention inside linebackers Kelvin Sheppard and Jacob Cutrera.  Gap control is crucial, from the A to the B and then the C.

Even if Brantley is playing quarterback, the passing game will likely still have the same focus – play-action passes, shovels and screens (especially to Hernandez), with a lot of curls and square-ins to the outside receivers. Look for blitzing and man-coverage on passing downs. Even “the third best quarterback in the SEC” as Brantley has been called at times, may not want to test Patrick Peterson.

Offensively, last week’s success in the running game may be an important development, as the limited success teams have had against the Gators has come in the power running game.

That seems a little hard to believe when you consider that Florida’s middle linebacker is this guy:

oops! Wrong picture…

…no, that’s not him either…oh wait, here he is.

Truth scarier than fiction? Truth scarier than fiction.

The Gator’s defensive tackles have been a relative weakness, at least compared to the rest of the unit. Omar Hunter and Jaye Howard are talented, but it’s a pick your poison when compared to Carlos Dunlap, Jermaine Cunningham and the rest of the group. The Tigers, despite some nasty stomach issues, were able to have more success against Georgia’s talented group of Geno Atkins, Jeff Owens and Kade Weston. That needs to be the focus this week. Fans may not like seeing it, and certain Baton Rouge radio hosts may accuse Les Miles of “trying to be Bo Schembechler Junior,”(whatever that means) but establishing Charles Scott out of the I-formation or the pistol will be crucial. The lateral running game plays into the speed of the back seven, especially if there’s no inside threat to give them pause.

Florida’s secondary is loaded and defensive coordinator Charlie Strong loves to stack the line of scrimmage and bring pressure on third downs, so keeping the yardage manageable will be important for the passing game. Meanwhile, it’s going to be incredibly important for Jordan Jefferson to start getting through his progressions faster. Look for Gary Crowton to try some half-roll passes and waggles, with a few screens to try and take advantage of Florida’s aggressiveness. But if the running game can at least be respectable, it’ll create some man coverage opportunities for Brandon LaFell and Terrance Toliver.

Establishing these basics may be important in order to create some of the big play opportunities for freshmen Russell Shepard and Rueben Randle.

Do NOT Expect:

The OK Corral
It’s not necessarily a popular game-plan with the fans, but slowing things down is LSU’s best chance to win this game. The last thing the Tigers want is a shootout, Tebow or no Tebow. Ironically, the way you beat the Gators is to bog them down in the muck. Slow down their offense by avoiding the big plays with sound gap control and tackling (especially the tackling – LSU won’t get a second chance if they miss the first tackle on Demps, Rainey or James), and keep it off the field with grinding, ball-control offense.

This style sound familiar to anybody? That may be LSU’s one advantage going into this.

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Urban Meyer, resident evil genius at Florida, sat down with the SEC media and sort of answered their questions.  Since the good readers here ATVS are beginning to learn how to translate Les Miles’ coachspeak in to normal English, we thought it would be a good idea if we tried to introduce a new Coachspeak dialect, the Urban Meyer.  As always, ATVS offers these translations to normal English as a public service to our readership.  Thanks.

WHAT HE SAID: “We’re looking forward to our annual battle with one of the most talented teams in the country. Obviously, a very tough place to go play, but that’s why you come to places like Florida. If you don’t want to play in places like LSU or Alabama or all these SEC schools, you don’t come play in this conference. So, we’ve got a lot of respect for our opponent, and I think this will be a great game.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “Stop talking to me.  I’m only here to avoid getting fined by the SEC.”

WHAT HE SAID: “If noise is a factor, then Tim won’t play. That really hasn’t been discussed. I’ll ask that question myself. If noise is bothering Tim, Tim won’t be in the game. That means he’s still symptomatic. If there are no symptoms, then all the noise is legit, and it’s not just at the line of scrimmage. It’s calling the plays. It’s communication on the sideline. There’s somewhat of a misunderstanding that the crowd noise causes issues with the snap count, and most people don’t use a snap count. It’s just the functioning of the plays that the offenses and defenses (call). It’s so complicated now than what it used to be. You have protection checks, the play checks and those type of things, so that’s where it becomes an issue. But to answer your question, there will not be an issue with Tim or John (Brantley) with it. It’s all the same.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “Noise does not bother Tim Tebow.  He once completed a pass after being decapitated.  He just picked up his head and re-attached it with a staple gun.  He’s a better human being than any of you, for he is Tim Tebow.  

By the way, did I mention how complex my offense is?  I’m a friggin’ genius.”

WHAT HE SAID:  ”They’ve got good players. I played down there … I was at Colorado State. We went down there and beat them. It was a long time ago, and the stadium wasn’t a factor, and it was because the team wasn’t very good. What makes LSU’s stadium and environment, the fans, is those guys wearing the jerseys are really good players, and I think that’s the same thing at Florida, the same thing that, like I mentioned Alabama. Hell, we’ve got one experience at Alabama. That’s the loudest I’ve ever heard because they won 10 games that year. They had a really, really good team. So, all that other stuff’s a little overrated. Once again, all due respect to LSU, that is, but what makes LSU LSU are those guys wearing those jerseys. They’re really good players.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “Curly Hallman.  Colorado St.  Remember that?  You punks went 2-9 that year.  If one of my teams went 2-9, I’d kill myself.  Or at least a walk-on. 

Oh yeah, your stadium sucks.  Bama is better than you.  What you gonna do about, huh?  Huh?  One more time – Curly Hallman.  You’re one step away from returning to those days.  Sleep tight.”   

WHAT HE SAID:  ”I’ve never seen the attention to detail — and I guess you’d expect that here at Florida — but this is not one, two or three; it’s many, many people involved with the evaluation phase on Tim, and yesterday’s a perfect example. I think there were 12 people in the meeting that we had at one o’clock because we had to clear him to play — to practice, not play — to clear him to practice. So there will be an ongoing communication and evaluation up until game time.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “When I send Tebow out there and he gets hurt… not my fault.”  

WHAT HE SAID:  ”I believe it’s going to be legit as well, though. I think that this will not be a decision made today. After yesterday’s practice I was told to game plan with the intent that there’s a chance Tim could play. All the other stuff, we’ll make decisions as we get closer. Is it an advantage, us not telling? I’m not worried about that right now. We’re game planning as if there’s a chance Tim could play and there’s a chance he won’t play, and that’s pretty much going to be the response until the plans evolve down there (in Baton Rouge).”

WHAT HE MEANT:  “OF COURSE I’m messing with Miles.  Have you just met me?  I’m not telling anything I don’t have to.  Make that yahoo prepare for two quarterbacks.  Did I mention that Miles sort of LOOKS like Curly Hallman? I wonder if his favorite play is a sack of Golden Flakes potato chips.”

WHAT HE SAID:  ”Practice real hard. Kind of strange? I’m not sure what ‘kind of strange’ means. He needs to go out and prepare to play the game. John’ll be fine. John’s done good. He’s had a heck of a week of practice, and he’s preparing to go play that game.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “Don’t even look at me.  I am your overlord.  I can’t believe I have to waste time answering questions from you morons.”

WHAT HE SAID:  ”I think that’s interesting. If you look at who, probably … we’ve scored a lot of points, but the first two games weren’t against SEC-style opponents. I think a lot of that is early in the year because some of these teams, including us, don’t play … we did not play … like, last year we played Miami, and our scoring wasn’t near as high. This year, we played teams from smaller conferences, and so we scored a lot of points. I can’t speak on the rest of the conference. That’s usually what happens, though, because of the defenses I see in this league. I just really studied that LSU-Georgia game, and that’s SEC football. I see the way some of these other teams have played, so I don’t know that (the numbers mean anything has changed). I just think the top-level schools in this conference are playing defense probably as good or better than they’ve played since we’ve been here.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “Yes, I run up the score.  We’ll stop it once you stop us.  Next question.”

WHAT HE SAID:  ”Defense has played at a high level. We didn’t feel against Tennessee — which I think has one of the best running backs in the country, No. 2 (Montario Hardesty) — we did not play great defense. We played good defense against a good offensive team, but the one thing we take great pride on is the guys running to the ball, and it was not Florida-like, and Coach… did a great job showing ‘08 defense vs. ‘09. I think against Kentucky we played a little bit like ‘08, and that means the pursuit to the ball was relentless, and so that’s what makes our (defense great). First of all, good players and relentless pursuit to the ball. Not some magic scheme, but intensity in the effort to the football. So, at this point, after last week we’re playing at a very high level.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “Have I mentioned how good my defense is?  Lost in all of this discussion of Tebow’s brilliance and my genius is the fact my defense is also really good.  Thanks for that question.  We’re great.  We’re better than you.”

WHAT HE SAID:  ”I’ve got to be careful what I say, because we met on that in the spring. I wasn’t there (at the LSU-Georgia game); I just saw what the whole country saw.”

WHAT HE MEANT: “LSU is lucky to be 5-0.  Lucky as hell.  Les Hallman, I mean Curly Miles… damn it… I mean Les Miles is just the luckiest guy on earth, but the refs won’t bail him out on Saturday.  I will crush him.  Now, get out of my way, I need to go boil some puppies in oil and then punch a kid with Down’s Syndrome in the face.    

Did I mention I played on that Colorado St. that won in Tiger Stadium?  Boy, those LSU teams sucked.  It could happen again.  Think about that.” 

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